Friendship – the ups and downs

Friendship, Göteborg, Sweden

Friendship, Göteborg, Sweden (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” 
― C.S. Lewis

Last night I received an email from a writing friend, we use to be part of a group of writers. The group slowly dissolved as other needs such as family, study and other interests slowly took over. We haven’t caught up since Christmas, not without trying, but then out of the blue I received the email, seeing who out of our group was interested in making time each month to catch up.

“ I don’t care if we only manage to get together for an hour to talk about all the things that are stopping us from writing and all the things we’d like to write if we had time, and I don’t care if sometimes only two of us make it…But I know when I see you guys and talk writing I get inspired, I feel like a writer (even if I have 10 other job titles before that one), and that I get more done (even if it’s just thinking).” – Holly

When it comes to writing, art and creativity, these girls are the people that get me! Other friends don’t get it, possibly fits in some people’s category, ‘of when Trudi is a little bit weird and eccentric’!

Recently a close friend died, and due to a few personal dramas, I’ve really missed her advice and guidance. The advice she gave was different to other friends I could turn to. I don’t know about you but I often tend to group friends unconsciously, I talk to these friends about writing, another friend about my kids (we both have teenagers at the same age, and because she is also a work colleague and doesn’t mix in the same circles it doesn’t matter what she knows as her kids don’t know mine), some friends are best to boogie and drink with and have a wild time, and know you won’t be judged…and others you have known forever and doesn’t matter how little you see of each other, all it takes is a phone call or a scheduled catch up and it’s like you’re home, it’s comfortable and easy, with no pressure to be anyone you’re not.

Is it wrong to mould yourself around different friends? Or is it better to have a wide group of friends who share the different aspects of who you are, as you just can’t expect any one person to be exactly the same as you!

In the news article, The six types of friends everyone should have, it quotes clinical and coaching psychologist and founder of  The Positivity Institute, Dr. Suzy Green, “It’s important to have diversity and to be able to look for support from a variety of sources”. She uses examples such as the friend who’s cooler than you, the friend who is up for anything, the friend who doesn’t know any of your other friends, the friend you’ve known longer than you’ve known yourself…

Below is a fun ‘poem’ (not sure if it can really be call it a poem) about friendship, it’s kind of warped, but it shares the aspects of what sometimes friendship is…good times…bad times…times you really don’t want to share…and how often you say…lets catch up soon, but know it will be months when you are both totally free from kids, work and LIFE.

Friendship 

When we get together

we speak bullshit.

Bullshit between two friends,

Best friends. Bullshit

Sometimes we lie, we bullshit

and say everything is all right

and we smile with our mouths.

But the other half of us knows

it’s just noise, bullshit,

coming out of our mouth.

The words

the bullshit

tumbles out,

the bad news,

the new crisis,

the neurosis.

We’ve heard it all before.

We laugh, we cry, we hug,

and we say goodbye

and see you soon

and we know its… bullshit.

Sometimes LIFE steps in the way of friendship, often pulling you in many directions and demanding your time, when all you really crave is a coffee or wine with that friend who will make you laugh till you cry, or who will nod their head in agreement while you rant and rage, or the friend who will be totally honest and give you the low down you really need.

Celebrate your friends, don’t let them get to far away from your grasp, and celebrate the differences each friend offers and the different voice and spice that you offer them. To quote  William Cowper, “Variety’s the very spice of life, that gives it all its flavour.”

Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. – Anais Nin

Do you have different groups of friends and how important are they to you?

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2 thoughts on “Friendship – the ups and downs

  1. I love your blog Trudi!!! it looks so fab and smart and clean. i love the way you have combined prose and a daily context with an inspirational email and your poetry – i especially loved coming across Bullshit (i love this poem – and it was just such a nice surprise because i wasn’t expecting it (of course i have only read the one on friendship but really look forward to reading the rest). i’m totally impressed!

    • Thanks Karen for the feedback, it means a lot. It’s a work in progress, so experimenting to see what works and what doesn’t, plus its good to stretch my writing skills and hopefully the more I write the more I improve, well that’s the theory anyway. It’s been a good challenge so far:)

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